Now that I've had more experience dealing with Nigerian con artists, I've realized how much fun you can have by being demanding, crass and insulting with them.  I've also realized that not all con artists are from Nigeria.  Here's one from Cote d'Ivoire (Ivory Coast)...

Name: KINGSLEY DICK
Email: kingsley_dic@yahoo.com

Comments:
KINGFU ENTERPRISE
21 AV 21 RUE 40 TRIECHVILLE
ABIDJAN-COTE d'IVOIRE

We the aforementioned organisation based here in abidjan is interested in purchasing of goods from your company.

We deal in FRAGRANCE AND PERFUMS, we have our branches in Togo, Ghana and Gabon and moreso their is an ecowas trade promotion coming up in lagos very soon which our organisation has been granted to participate in the open market and that is why we are contacting you.

please kindly forward to us all kinds of goods you have in stock including their prices, and upon the receipt of this letter, and if accepted we shall effect payment through our corporate international credit card account.

We do hope that we shall be doing business with these noble and professional manners. thanks as we look forward to hearing fr! om you.

Best regards,
KINGSLEY DICK
DIRECTOR

All the classic Nigerian trademarks are there... problems capitalizing, never heard of us but wants to buy a bunch of stuff, wants to pay with credit card, doesn't even know what we sell, etc.

I decided to create a special e-mail address for these guys -- Don Truss (i.e. "don't trust") at don@bath-and-body.com -- and forward the message from info@bath-and-body.com to don@bath-and-body.com.  

From: Bath-and-Body.com <info@bath-and-body.com>
Subject: FW: Bath-and-body.com Feedback Form
To: Don Truss  <don@bath-and-body.com>

Don, this one's for you...
And "Don's" reply is...
From: Don Truss <don@bath-and-body.com>
Subject:
RE: Bath-and-body.com Feedback Form

Greetings Mr. Dick!

Your message was forwarded to me as I am the international sales representative for Bath-and-Body.com. As I'm sure you saw from our website, we offer a great selection of products for bath, shower, massage and sex (wink, wink). Our prices are very competitive, and our service is damn good.

We have never shipped any products to Togo, but I just spoke with our shipping department, and she says that the cost of shipping to Togo is very expensive. She might be wrong, though, because she really is a stupid broad.

Anyway, here are the wholesale prices for our products...
Lotion - $4.75
Shower Gel - $4.25
Body Spray - $4.00
Motion Lotion (massage oil) - $6.00
Soaps - $3.00
Bath Salts - $2.25
Fuzzy Bath Balls - $2.00

Please reply with a list of the products you would like so I can provide you with a full quote.

Affectionately yours,
Don Truss

P.S. We have a large chain of sandwich stores called Togo's. Are they from your country?

From: kingsley dick <kingsley_dic@yahoo.com>
Subject: INVOICE REQUIRED

DEAR MR Don Truss 

Thanks for the quick reponse to our demand. please we will need the total cost of the following products choosen and the freight charges through fedex to abidjan-Ivory Coast.

Lotion - 50 btls assorted
Shower Gel - 50 btls assorted
Body Spray - 200 btls assorted
Soaps - 100 pcs assorted
and if you have perfumes add 100 pcs diferent odours as samples

Please we are standingby for the invoice asap.

best regards.
MR KINGSLEY DICK
Well, Mr. Dick wasn't put off by the sexual references and questionable language.  Let me try again...
From: Don Truss <don@bath-and-body.com>
Subject: RE: INVOICE REQUIRED

Hello again my friend, Mr. Dick!

Well, it turns out that the dumb broad in shipping was right. Shipping to Cote d' Ivoire is damned expensive! UPS really bends customer over sometimes. I guess that's why they call them "brown".

Anyway, the products you listed below only cost $1,550, but the friggin UPS bill is $3,214.45! I'm sorry it's so expensive to ship from our country to yours. I expect that you will not agree to this outrageous price from UPS and wish you good lick with your cumpany.

I'd bend over for you,
Don Truss

It's true.  That's the real cost to ship the products he listed to West Africa.  A person with a stolen credit card wouldn't care, though.  Also, if this guy is like the Nigerian con artists, he doesn't want bath products anyway.  He wants electronics. 
From: kingsley dick <kingsley_dic@yahoo.com>
Subject: IMPORTANT

HELLO MR TRUSS.

I HAVE WELL RECEIVE YOUR MESSAGE. PLEASE I WILL LIKE YOU TO MAKE AN ENQUIRY FROM FEDEX HOW MUCH IT WILL COST TO MY COUNTRY. WE NEED THIS PRODUCTS BECUASE AMERICA COSMETICS ARE IN HIGH DEMAND HERE AND NOR MATTER HOW MUCH THE TRANSPORTATION WILL COST WE CAN AFFORD IT. PLEASE THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

PLEASE FORWARD ME YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER SO THAT WE CAN COMMUNICATE AS WELL.

BEST REGARDS.

MR KINGSLEY DICK
OH, NOW WE'RE WRITING EVERYTHING IN CAPITAL LETTERS.  Clearly, Mr. Dick has read the book How To Be A Nigerian.  OK, I'm going to crank it up even more.
From: Don Truss <don@bath-and-body.com>
Subject: RE:
IMPORTANT

Mr. Dick,

How are you today?  Healthy and well, I hope.  I wish I could say the same for myself, but my rhoids were really killing when I woke up.  I had to ask Sally (the dumb broad in shipping) to toss my salad this morning.  She hates having to do that, but she couldn't say no 'cause I'm the boss man.

Anyway, she was helpful in more than one way this morning.  She found a much better quote from FedEx International Economy. It will take a couple days longer than International Express but it's just a shitload cheaper.  It's only $1,804.65 instead of $3,214.45.  I nearly kissed Sally when she told me that, but as I mentioned, she had just tossed my salad.

If the new quote looks good, just reply so I can crank it up some more.

Don Truss

Oh boy, I sure do hope he responds! 

Heh, "toss my salad". I'm sure he's imagining this --->
instead of this.

From: kingsley dick <kingsley_dic@yahoo.com>
Subject: IMPORTANT

DEAR MR DON.

THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL. I HAVE APPREECIATED YOUR EFFORTS REGARDING THE SHIPMENT. PLEASE GO AHEAD AND PREPARE THE GOODS SO THAT I FOPRWARD MY CREDIT CARD FOR DEBIT.

BEST REGARDS.

KINGSLEY
Mr. Don? Looks like he's tired of me calling him Mr. Dick and wants me to call him Mr. Kingsley instead.  Sorry but I can't do that.  

My favorite scam-the-scammer website usually asks Nigerian con artists to send pictures of themselves holding signs.  I'm going to see if I can get this guy to send something.   I'm gonna be real polite 'cause I REALLY want him to forge the documents I'm requesting and spend the money to mail them, but I just know he's going to come up with some excuse not to send them.

From: Don Truss <don@bath-and-body.com>
Subject: RE:
IMPORTANT

MR. DICK,

It will only take us a few hours to put your order together.  Since you are on the other side of the world, we will need the following information from you before we can prepare and ship your order:

1) a letter on your company letterhead listing the products you would like to receive and authorizing the shipping charge we quoted
2) a clear photocopy of your credit card (front and back)
3) a clear photocopy of an identification card (drivers license, passport or visa) with your picture on it

Please mail these documents to us at the following address:

Bath-and-Body.com
Attn: Don Truss
1021 Bay Blvd., Suite S
Chula Vista, CA 91911

Please let me know the cost of mailing these documents, and I will credit the amount towards the purchase price of your order.

When is the ECOWAS trade promotion?

Thanks again,
Don Truss

From: kingsley dick <kingsley_dic@yahoo.com>
Subject: IMPORTANT

dear mr Don.

thanks for your mail. we can provide all your demande but you got to know that mailing it will take a whole lot of time because the Ecowas trade fair will come on at 14th-11-2004, so we suggest if we can scan it and send it through mail, hope that will be faster and possible.

best regards.

Kingsley Dick
I told him it was OK to e-mail them 'cause I really want to see how good he is at Photoshop.  But then I didn't hear from him for over a week so I sent him the following message:
From: Don Truss <don@bath-and-body.com>
Subject: RE:
IMPORTANT

Mr DICK,

Your promotion is very soon. Will you be sending the scanned documents or you no longer interested? Please don't be rude - give me an answer.

Don

Ahhhaaaa... This is what I've been hoping for!  Official documents a la Photoshop.
From: kingsley dick <kingsley_dic@yahoo.com>
Subject: DOCUMENTS

DEAR MR DON.

WE ARE SORRY FOR THE LATENESS IN OUR REPONSE TO YOUR MAIL. ALL BECAUSE OF THE POLITICAL UNREST HERE. PLEASE FIND THE ATTACHED DOCUMENTS RQUIRED FOR THE TRANSACTION. PLEASE DEBIT AS REQUIRED FROM MY CREDIT CARD FOR THE PAYMENT.

BEST REGARDS.
KINGSLEY

NB. PLEASE SEND ME YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER SO THAT I WILL CALL YOU AS POSSIBLE.

Click here for full-size version.

OK, there are SO many signs of forgery here, but I'm just going to point out a couple, starting with the scans of the credit card.

1. He sent us a Wells Fargo ATM & Check Card.  Wells Fargo ONLY has branches in the US, and they only issue cards to US residents or US-based businesses.  Also, Check Cards only allow you to charge $300 per day, which brings me to point #2...

2. The credit card number isn't even a Wells Fargo number.  The first six numbers identify the issuing bank, and 512107 isn't a Wells Fargo prefix.  (Being a credit card merchant has its benefits.)  Also, all US-issued Visa and MasterCard credit cards have the first four characters of the account number printed in small, black characters right under the first four embossed letters.  Guess what?  Mr. Dick's numbers don't match.

3. The copy of the credit card is black & white, but his signature is blue.  The idiot signed the photocopy of the credit card instead of signing the credit card, and he did it with a blue pen.

There's lots of other stuff (the embossed effect of the card number is a Photoshop offset, the text on the check card and ID is too sharp compared to the rest of the cards, etc.), but the bottom line is that Mr. Dick is a total fraud (as if there were ever ANY doubt).

I'm gonna have to spend a while thinking about what to write him next.  Suggestions are welcome.

-----------------------------

OK, I finally figured out how to respond!  I'll let Sally do it...

From: Sally <sally@bath-and-body.com>
Subject: Mr. Don Truss

Hello Mr. Dick,

My name is Sally. I have been taking care of Don's affairs for the past few days since his demise. Yes, Don passed away. It was not unexpected as he was quite a tremendous man. In fact, it's a wonder he lasted as long as he did, the fat tub of lard that he was. I can't even believe that I used to toss his salad. 

In any event, I will be taking over his position, and I see that you had made arrangements to ship the following products:

Lotion - 50 btls assorted
Shower Gel - 50 btls assorted
Body Spray - 200 btls assorted
Soaps - 100 pcs assorted

I was wondering if I could also interest you in some products from our Fantasee line of pleasure toys. I'm sure Don told you about these products as he was an avid user of all of them.

Please respond,
Sally Blowmeoff

P.S. I've attached a picture of Don so you can see what a gluttonous monster he really was.

Will he believe me?  YES! 
From: kingsley dick <kingsley_dic@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Mr. Don Truss

HELLO SALLY.

I HAVE RECEIVE YOUR MAIL AND SORY FOR THE BAD NEWS OF MR DON. PLEASE ADVICE ME WHEN YOU WILL SHIP THE GOODS BECAUSE WE HAVE AN EXHIBITION TO ATTEND AND WE HAVE ALREADY MADE THE PAYMENT THROUG OUR CREDIT CARD.

BEST REGARDS
I didn't respond for over a week 'cause I've been too busy, and he sent a quick message to say "PLEASE ADVICE ME WHEN YOU WILL BE SHIPPING THE GOODS BECAUSE I HAVE WAITED ENOUGH AND WAITED A LOT OF TIME WAITING FOR YOU." 

I need to come up with a good response now -- one that also explains why I haven't responded in so long...

From: Sally <sally@bath-and-body.com>
Subject: I'm sorry

Oh my dear Mr. Dick,

It has been so long since I last written you, and I'm so sorry.  I have started at least a dozen messages to you but have never had the guts to send any of them.  But now that I have had several glasses of Manachevitz, I feel that I can truly talk to you.

Mr. Dick, the reason that I haven't responded in so long is that I have fallen in love with you.  I know this sounds crazy, but I have read your messages to that ogre, Don Truss, and have seen what a truly compassionate, understanding and God-loving individual you really are.  It must be so difficult in your situation with all that is going on in Abidjan right now, but just believe, Dicky boy, that you have someone here in the US that truly understands and loves you.  After you sent your picture, I just knew that we were meant to be together.  Please leave that terrible place, and come rest your sorrows in my bossom.

Oh, I shouldn't be saying these things, and I'll probably delete this message before I send it, but just in case I don't delete it, I want you to show you a picture of me and know if you might share my feelings.  I could be so good for you.

I'm feeling dizzy from all the Manachevitz right now that I think I really will send this message.  Dare I also send you the picture that I made of the two of us?  YES!  I must!  So you can truly see how I feel!  I LOVE YOU, MR DICK!!!

If I can, would you like me to fly out to see you?  I can bring all the lotions, shower gels and soaps you ordered.  Just say the word, my love, and I'll book my flight!

Awaiting your response,
Sweet Sally Blowmeoff

Didn't take long for a response...
From: kingsley dick <kingsley_dic@yahoo.com>
Subject: WHAT IS HAPPENING

HELLO SALLY.

I DONT UNDERSTAND UPTILL NOW IF YOU PEOPLE ARE PLAYING ME A GAME OR IS A SITE YOU CREATED TO DECEIVE PEOPLE. I DONT REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING. PLEASE SEND ME YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER AND OTHER PICTURE OF YOURS SO THAT I CAN CALL YOU AND HAVE A THOROUGH DISCUSSIONS WITH YOU.

BEST REGARDS
KINGSLEY

NB. IS IT TRUE THAT MR DON DIED?

Damn!  He's catching on. ;-)  I know exactly how to respond.
From: Sally <sally@bath-and-body.com>
Subject: RE: WHAT IS HAPPENING

My dear Mr. Dick,

Please forgive me. My last message was not entirely honest. I had drank way too much when I sent that message, and, well... the truth is that I was very confused and scared when I wrote that message. You see, Mr. Dick, it looks like I might be in terrible trouble. 

Yes, Don Truss is definitely dead. As I told you before, he was a terrible man. I don't want to shock you by telling you some of the things he did, but I couldn't live another day being treated like that. I can't go into too much detail because I told you that I might be in terrible trouble already, but I was there when Don died. I was there to make sure he died. I can't say anymore about it now. Please understand.

No, Mr. Dick, I do not love you, but I know you're a good, honest man, and I need to leave this country right now. If I bring your products with me, I can get permission to leave right away. I have a lot of money so finding a place to stay isn't a problem if you can give me advice.

I have already packaged two large suitcases and can ship the rest of my important belongings right away. Can I trust you to receive them and advise me on where to live? I will also include the gels and lotions you ordered.  Also, what airline is the best for flying to Abidjan? Does Kingfu Enterprise have a position for me? In understand that I may have to bribe your government officials in order to work there, but as I said, I have plenty of money.


Please respond as soon as possible. 

God bless,
Sally Blowmeoff

P.S. Can you send me some pictures of Abidjan?  What is the weather like there?
He's skeptical right now, but I know I got his interest with the promise of money.
From: kingsley dick <kingsley_dic@yahoo.com>
Subject: WHAT IS HAPPENING

HELLO 

IF YOU REALLY MEAN WHAT YOU ARE SAYING THEN SEND M YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER THEN WE CAN DISCUSS IN DETAILS.

KINGSLEY

OK, I have a big decision to make here.  Either I give him the phone number for the San Diego Secret Service field office or I give him our business number and just say that Sally's not in right now.  Gonna have to think about that one a while....
From: Sally <blowmeister@gmail.com>
Subject: RE: URGENT - I'm on my way, Mr Dick

Oh Mr. Dick, I had to leave immediately. The police came to our office while I was on my lunch break and started asking questions about me and Don's death. I got so scared that I just left. I can't go back. I don't want to go to jail. I'll die before I go to jail again.

Mr. Dick, I shipped some important possessions of mine to you by FedEx. PLEASE don't open the box if it arrives before I do. I don't want to get you into trouble, too.

I have just purchased my plane tickets to Abidjan. I couldn't find a direct flight so I must first stop in Paris. I'm driving up to Los Angeles tonight to catch my plane tomorrow. Here is my flight information...

Air France flight AF065
Depart: Los Angeles (LAX) - November 11 at 3:30PM
Arrive: Paris de Gaulle, France (CDG) - November 12 at 11:05AM

Air France flight AF702
Depart: Paris de Gaulle, France (CDG) - November 12 at 3:55PM
Arrive: Abidjan, Ivory Coast (ABJ) - November 12 at 9:15PM

Mr. Dick, will you be able to meet me at the airport? I hope so. I am so scared, and I will be terrified to arrive all alone. Use my picture I sent so you can recognize me. I will wear the same dress. If you can not meet me, please tell me a safe place to stay. I am bringing a lot of money so please recommend a very nice hotel.

I did not bring the lotions and shower gels because I had to leave right away, but once I get there, I can help you get them for free. I know how to lie to those people and make them send things without paying. That is how I have been able to get so much money.

I have to go now. Please use this email address now because I can no longer read or send my messages from my sally@bath-and-body.com address. I will check my email on my notebook computer once I arrive in Paris.

Pray for me, Mr. Dick. I am so scared to start a whole new life in a new country. I don't think I will stay there too long. Maybe just one month. Then I want to find a nice, warm place where I can enjoy the rest of my life. But for now, my life is in your hands. Thank you again for being a good, trusting person.

Yours,
Sally Blowmeoff

blowmeister@gmail.com

From: kingsley dick <kingsley_dic@yahoo.com>
Subject: FUCK YOU GO TO HELL 

FOUKY SALLY

YOU YOU LIKE YOU CAN GO TO HELL OR GO AND BURRY OURSELF ALIVE BUT IF I SEE YOU IN THIS ABIDJAN I WILL KILL YOU I MEAN BECAUSE YOU AN ARMROBBER AND A THIEF AS WELL A TRICKSTER AND A TERRORIST. I MEAN IT IWILL KILL YOU.

MOTEHR FUCKER AGENT OF DEVIL.
GO OT HELL
From: Sally <blowmeister@gmail.com>
Subject: RE:
FUCK YOU GO TO HELL 

Mr. Dick!  How could you say such nasty things to me!  I'm crying so hard right now.  Don't you know it's true... I DO love you!  I am coming to Abidjan right now, and you can't stop me!  I'm going to marry you and have your babies.  Don't say such nasty things to me.  I know that new love is difficult to accept, but you have to accept it, Mr Dick, because I do love you!!!!!!!!  Stop calling me such things.  I am not an armrobber!  I have never stolen anyone's arm in my life!

Crying,
Sally

P.S. Where should we honeymoon?  Do they sell penicillin there?  My crabs are really acting up.

Whoops.  Forgot something...
From: Sally <blowmeister@gmail.com>
Subject: RE:
FUCK YOU GO TO HELL 

Still I am crying for the terrible things you said.  I don't want you to be so mad at me, but I know you are going to be mad at this...  Air France does not accept cash for payment so I had to use the Wells Fargo credit card you gave us to buy my ticket.  I hear that Air France might not be able to fly me to Abidjan once I get to Paris.  I might have to stay there for a while before I can get to Abidjan.  If I find a place that does not accept cash, I will use your credit card again and pay you back when I see you.

See you soon, honey!
Sally

Time for Don Truss to come back from the grave. Let's see if I can rebuild his trust again.

From: Don Truss <don@bath-and-body.com>
Subject: Thank you again for your order

Mr. Dick,

I have just returned today from a wonderful vacation in Hawaii, and I see from our shipping records that a package was sent to you on Wednesday, November 10 by FedEx. I thought you needed your products by November 14 for the ECOWAS trade promotion. That's this Sunday, and the package won't make it to Abidjan by then. 

Did the trade promotion get rescheduled? I put Sally in charge of your account before I left, but she stopped coming into work a couple of days ago, and nobody knows where she is. I've tried calling her home and mobile phone, but I can't reach her. I hope she didn't fuck up your order. As I told you before, she is a very stupid broad, and I never should have put her in charge while I was gone. She always causes problems and tells lies.

Could you please respond and tell me what you have talked about with Sally? Is your order on time? I can't even find an invoice for this package, and I can't even be sure that she sent you the right products.

Awaiting your response,
Don Truss

From: kingsley dick <kingsley_dic@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Thank you again for your order

HELLO DON

THIS STUPID GIRL YOU SAID HAS REALLY FUCKED ME UP. SHE TOLD ME THAT YOU ARE AND BURIED ONE WEEK AGO THAT YOU ARE VERY STUPID FAT AND CANNOT CONTROL YOURSELF.

IF THE GOODS HAS REALLY BEEN SEND PLEASE SEND ME THE TRACKING NUMBER THROUGH FEDEX. THE I WILL SEE THAT IT HAS REALLY BEEN SENT.

MR KINGSLEY DICK
Yes... You can trust Don Truss.
From: Don Truss <don@bath-and-body.com>
Subject: RE: Thank you again for your order

WHAT!? Oh, I'm going to get that stupid, buck-toothed, cross-eyed bitch. She still hasn't shown up for work since Wednesday, and she definitely won't have a job when she gets back. I was just told by our accountant that we are also missing a lot of money. She really said that I was dead? And stupid and fat? She had certainly better never return here.

Well, it goes without saying that I am very sorry for her behavior. I can't track the package because the tracking slip is missing. All I see is that she sent a package to you on Wednesday. I'll have our warehouse do a quick inventory to see if the items you ordered are still in our inventory. Would she have sent you something other than products? Did she say anything else that might explain what happened?

Please respond quickly,
Don Truss

P.S. I'M NOT FAT! I'M NOT STUPID! I'M NOT DEAD!
Looks like Mr. Dick is more focused on Sally right now than on Don Truss.  To be sure, he trusts Don Truss more than he trusts Sally.  What a dumbass!  He clearly no longer suspects that both of them are fictional characters that exist only to mock his ignorance. 
From: kingsley dick <kingsley_dic@yahoo.com>
Subject: I APEAL TO YOU TO SUCK THIS

I KNOW THAT BY THIS TIME YOUR ASS IS JUMPING LIKE A BILLY DOG. I WAS TOLD BY DON THAT YOU ARE A PROFESSIONAL PROSTITUTE SO YOU CAN CUT THIS PICTURE AND PUT INTO YOUR ASS STUPID IDIOT

ēGOD PUNISH YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

WARNING: Mr. Dick attached a very nasty picture to his e-mail.  Click here to see it

Richard Scarry was one of my favorite writer/illustrator of children's books.  He wrote a book called Billy Dog's Bad Day.  I wonder if Mr. Dick read this book, too, and that's why he's comparing Sally to a Billy Dog.  I've sure never heard anyone else use the term "Billy Dog".  One thing's for sure, he certainly believes that Sally is real.  I guess I need to send another message from Sally.  She'd be in Paris by now.    
From: Sally <blowmeister@gmail.com>
Subject: RE:
FUCK YOU GO TO HELL 

Bonjour, Mr. Dick!

I hope you're not still mad.  You really don't have any reason to be upset with me.  Really, Mr. Dick... take a chill pill and let it ride.

Paris is everything I imagined it would be!  The people are charming, the food is fabulous, and my hotel is so luxurious.  I must have reached the limit with your credit card because it is no longer working here.  That's OK because I stole SO much money from that stupid lotion company.

Well, just as I figured, Air France is not flying Americans to Abidjan right now.  It actually seems like they're just not flying white people to Abidjan, which I find very discriminatory.  I can defend myself from any stupid uprising.  Did I tell you that I know Karate?  My Dragon Hand Job is truly something to be feared.  WHAAAAA!!!!!! (Scary, eh?)

Anyway, it looks like I might be here for a few more days.  Maybe even a few more weeks.  Can you come meet me?  Can you bring my FedEx package?  I see that it won't arrive until Wednesday.  Again, DO NOT OPEN IT!  There are things in it that you must not see.  Really, Mr. Dick.  Don't open it!

It is very late right now, and I am off to bed.  I'm in the honeymoon suite.  Wish you were here. ;-)

Au revoir,
Sally

P.S. Looks like you tried to send me an email, but my email filter deleted it. I have it set to delete pornography.  Did you try to send me some pictures of yourself, you cheeky boy, you? Save it for my arrival. 

I don't really expect him to respond to Sally anymore.  If he does, he is the most ignorant human on the planet.  Could I be so lucky as to have engaged the biggest fool of our time?  Maybe.  Anyway, I'm going to turn my attention back to Don Truss.  I want to gain Mr. Dick's trust all over again and screw him over one more time.  OK, maybe two more times.  
From: Don Truss <don@bath-and-body.com>
Subject: URGENT - Sally Blowmeoff

Mr. Dick, please respond immediately.  Our bookkeeper has found that Sally stole over $115,000 from us, and nobody has heard anything from her in a week.  She deleted ALL the messages in her e-mail account, but we found a picture on her computer of the two of you together as if you are both in love. 

What is this all about, Mr. Dick?!  I would hate to think that you helped Sally steal this money from us.  I hope she just fell in love with you the way she falls in love with men all the time. 

Mr. Dick, do you know where Sally is?  We must know.  For this amount of money, we will travel wherever we need to go to find her and get our money back.  Is she with you?  Why did she send a package to you?  We know that the package does not have our products in it.  Is our money in it?

Mr. Dick, if you help us get our money back, we will reward you with a cash payment of $15,000.  Even if we can't get the money back, we will give you $3,000 if you can just help us find her so we can kick her ass up and down.

Please respond immediately,
Don Truss 

Well, it looks like Mr. Dick isn't buying it anymore. 
From: kingsley dick <kingsley_dic@yahoo.com>
Subject: FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

YOU ARE THE SAME AS SALLY AND DONTRUSS I DONT HAVE TIME FOR BOTH OF YOU WITH THE GAME YOU PEOPLE ARE PLAYING ON ME. BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE ARE OUT OF MY TRAP THAT IS WHY U ARE PLAYING WITH ME.. I WILL GET BACK TO YOU OR SEND BEN LADEN TO TARGET YOUR HOUSE
How sad.  He's been fun.  Guess I'd better write him one last goodbye letter.
From: Don't Trust <blowmeister@gmail.com>
Subject: Don Truss & Sally Blowmeoff

Mr. Dick, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!  You have been SO much fun!

I know you're stupid so I'll make this message really simple... First of all, Don Truss = don't trust. Mr. Dick = stupid fuck.

Do you really think that anyone would send products to West Africa with a credit card?  EVERY SINGLE E-MAIL FROM NIGERIA AND ABIDJAN IS BULLSHIT.  Everyone in the world knows that!

So, you're mad because I lied to you?  What the fuck is up with that?  You are a no good, lying sack of shit that only bought a computer to steal money from innocent, hard-working people.

The day you sent us your first e-mail, we knew you were a liar.  We didn't know how stupid you were until you kept sending us e-mails even though we were making fun of you for weeks. 

I hope you get ass-fucked by an elephant with herpes.

Have a nice day,
Scotty Pippin

By the way, is Ben Laden related to Bin Laden?  Please go ahead and tell him to come visit my house.  I hear Ben's a nice guy.  Oh, and look up the definition of "toss salad" - http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=toss+salad

From: kingsley_dic@yahoo.com
Subject: kingsley_dic@yahoo.com sent you an Urban Dictionary definition.

Click on the link below to see the definition of "buttfuck":

http://www.urbandictionary.com/pickup.php/18789/aecf65

- Urban Dictionary
From: Sally Blowmeoff <blowmeister@gmail.com>
Subject: RE: kingsley_dic@yahoo.com sent you an Urban Dictionary definition.

Buttfuck?  I already know what that is.  It's what your parents did nine months before you were born.
We traded a few more messages, but they were just for the purpose of spouting off offensive insults and sharing x-rated pictures.  You can read them if you want to, but you've been warned. Click here if you dare.


Hey, if you enjoyed this even a little, please send me an e-mail and let me know.
I don't want any donations at all (I have a good job). 
I just want to know that I made someone laugh.




Looking for a Professional Product Photography Studio?


Counter installed on 6/1/05.